22 :: 365
Because:Never has there been a more appropriate picture on a more appropriate day: I saw this on the way to church and it reflected some of what I was feeling earlier in the day, a conflict of walking in the light or surrendering to darkness.
Today was not a great day and wouldnt you know it on a not so great day I ended up with all kinds of drama leading up to church (which on top of everything else we had a youth event planned and I was trying to prep for it) then I got there and my greeter didnt show up...it was just a crappy day... I know -I know some of the super religious would say: but sister, this is the day .... blah, blah, blah.....
Let me tell you that I am a person who finds a silver lining to everything but there are sometimes when you gotta wipe away a few tears before you see that lining because pain and hurt can sometimes make you lose focus. And yes, I know that God is at work and God has a plan but its also ok to admit and feel hurt when you hurt, we are all human and without getting into a theological debate with anyone - God allows us to have emotions.
You see, you can feel pain, hurt, frustration etc etc ...just dont stay in it, you werent created to stay in it...... I was tempted to throw a pity party at a table for one!
Just before I left for church I was clearing some memory on our camcorder (for the youth event) and I came across some video from the day of baby boys birth...it was the video footage we had from the moment we met him. The moment they brought him in the room to us..... I had never seen this footage before so it was like a dagger in my heart and as hard as I tried I could not keep my eyes from welling up with tears and nothing could keep that still somewhat raw- still walking through some healing- emotion from surfacing.
And there I was.... facing a decision to sit at the table of pain and pity or proceed onto church and continue in purpose and the plans we had already made.
I'm not gonna lie, it was rainy - I ran errands all day, I was tired and I could have justified skipping out but, I knew that I had to push through because I made a commitment.
A commitment to my hubby to help and a commitment to our youth to have a party and more importantly to the Lord that I would help tend the flock.....and that is not always on our timing. What can I say, our sheep awaited so I sat with the emotion of it for a bit. I Prayed! I Cried! But I DID NOT PARK!! Instead I proceeded ... I chose to keep going, to continue on in life, I chose to have the emotion and NOT have the emotion have me.
I am so glad I did because once we got to church we were able to spend time with our youth in worship and in prayer... I had a great time and I was refreshed by their ferver and their desire to go their flagpoles and pray that morning at See You at the Pole.
It was encouraging to me.
It also reminded me that no matter what...... HE who began this good work WILL bring it to completion...... the only party I'm gonna be having is a party of praise in honor of the only one who deserves it!
-Missa
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