OK, So I am going to be completely honest here....I am at a fork in the road in life.......... I hit a really big wall last week and actually ended the week with me in tears on Sunday afternoon. I was in need of some down time, some time with my husband and some rest big-time!
I am really struggling with balance- balance in my life. This has always been a big struggle for me ever since our 2nd year in Austin and it seems as though I take too much on and then I struggle to breathe....... the problem is, I dont take anything on that is not truly desire of mine to do, I love people, I love the Lord, I love ministry so saying yes to things is natural to me and is truly what I love but.......I hit a wall!!!! It was U-G-L-Y!
So, today I came home: turned on some woship music, left the lights off and sat on the couch..... I was thinking about it all... praying about it all then I realized....... a statement I made to the Lord was key to the burden I was feeling.... I said to the Lord... "I want to do _______ and _______ for you but why I am feeling this way- so drained and stressed?"
Then I felt like the Words "I want" were ringing in my ears and that my eardrums were going to burst! I WANT!!!!!! I WANT!!!! I WANT!!!! I... I... I... I.... I.... I... I.... I.....
Just like a spoiled little kid.... I was telling the Lord (like he was Santa) about me and I and mine.... you know the most destructive trinity of all..... SELF! FLESH! wow put those to together and it sounds like SELFISH! <- thats deep! anyways....
Boy o boy was this revelation to me because, think about it, how many times have WE wanted things that were not necessarily the right things us..... some times our wants and desires do not line up with the will of God. Especially when we are in a state of self-centeredness.
Yeah, this life is not about YOU! (me)
The funny thing is, anyone who really knows me will tell you I say this quote alot "a good idea is not always a GOD idea" hmmmmm..... why was I not taking my own advice- should I walk what I talk or what?
Don't get me wrong, I do good things for the Lord that I know that I know that I know I am where I am suppose to be - that I am centered in His will because of that there is fruit in my life and I feel really close to the Lord in relationship right now but, temptation comes to me in the form of picking up more "to-do's"
So, I am determined to really press in to God right now and get some direction not only for ministry but, Scott and I are also asking about some personal stuff as well.
-> At the top of the list: Babies!! Lots and lots of them.
-> 2nd on the list....... wouldn't you like to know :)
Anyways... please pray for me as I sit with my 2009 planner and a list of commitments and pray, reevaluate, seek and press in for direction in 2009 (I plan on doing this sometime this week or next) so friends and family, I'm asking you to believe with me that the Lord will show me the difference between what I WANT and what HE WANTS for me.......
Don't worry people! Everything is great in our lives I just personally have so many things I want to do, I do not want to over commit and under deliver! As an ambassador of Christ I want to do all things with excellence. I want to do everything to my best ability in him, I really need to hear for some clear, accurate direction..... I have so many things I love to do for the Lord but again... not ever good idea is a God idea! Please pray.
On another note.... our trip to Honduras really sparked something in me to go on a mission trip. I have been researching some Honduras missions and have seen some amazing organizations but, have not been pressed for any of them yet.
Then today I received an email with a list of 2009 mission trips from COTR. I am really feeling a pull to missions right now..... don't get me wrong, I know that my life is a mission field but, I really have a desire to go into the most remote of areas and minister Gods word.
I would first want to start with a group I trust like COTR and see how the Lord would lead me from there. I was so excited to get that list today especially since I am about to go into some time of prayer for direction with my 2009 calendar. God is so faithful.......however he chooses to direct me is up to him but this will definitely be on my list of things for 2009 to ask the Lord about. When it all comes down to it, all I really want is more of him and I know he is going to answer me :) Of this I am SURE!
Anyways... just wanted to keep all of you in the know of what is up with Missa Taylor these days! I haven't had a lot of time for videos and photos lately but, I am going to recommit to my blog. I truly love to BLOG... it is an outlet for me. I love to write to all 3 of you but pretend I am changing thousands with my profound words and silly videos! :)
You all know that I LOVE worship music: Here is one of the songs I was listening to yesterday as I sat on the couch: Enjoy! (I did not see this video till today- WOW!)
Have an abundantly joyful day!
-missa
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